Wednesday, February 10, 2010
In the Moment
Mom always says that it is never as bad or as good as it seems in the moment. Well lately, it's been pretty bad. Not that I am feeling less blessed or less loved, but I have been facing some situations that I just really do not want to face. I am so lucky to have the support of my family and friends in life, and I have no idea where I'd be without them. Mom is right though: it really isn't as bad as it seems in the moment. I have found that I can be quite a drama queen, but if I step back from the situation and just breath for a minute, I get over it pretty quickly. That is one good thing about college: you grow up. I have learned more about myself in the past few months that I expected or even wanted to. I've been put in situations that before these lessons, I probably could not have handled. I have an amazing mother with tons of advice, a sister with Blackberry messenger that is always ready to text right back, and a sister that knows exactly when to send me a text that says "damn, you're a sexy chick". Life is not always going to be easy, but at least I have the support to get through the day with a smile. I know that if I take it day by day, it'll all be ok. And in the end, if all else fails, I know what is important in life and I know where I need to be and what I need to do to get there.
Baby Steps
Laine Ann Caldwell.
I didn't expect this little baby to change my life the way she has, for I am just an Aunt, but then I realized..I am an Aunt. I want Laine to always know that if she gets in a fight with her mommy, and we all know that teenagers have that stage, that she has me and Chelsea to come to. I know Mom always used to say that she wished that Greer, Chelsea, and I would just get along. Well, I think Mom finally got her wish. It's not the same with the three of us anymore. We can have adult conversations where fighting isn't even the back of my mind. I respect their opinions and I look to them for advice. Maybe pride and naivety was in the way before, but I have realized that I am more than just the "baby" in the family. I am a sister, a daughter, and an Aunt and I need to step up to the plate!
I want Laine to also realize how much of a difference she has made in my life.
I have learned to respect Greer more than I ever thought I could. Seeing her go through the stages of pregnancy and then giving birth to this amazing child has made me love my sister so much more. Not to say that I didn't love Greer before Laine, but I think a new kind of love has formed. I don't just love her for being an incredible sister, but for being an amazing mother. I see her with Laine and I know that she is going to do great things for this little girl and that this girl has done and will do great things for Greer as well.
I love my sisters with all my heart and I think that they are the most incredible people in this world. I realize I am biased, because I'm related...but Greer and Chelsea make me so proud to call them my big sisters.
I didn't expect this little baby to change my life the way she has, for I am just an Aunt, but then I realized..I am an Aunt. I want Laine to always know that if she gets in a fight with her mommy, and we all know that teenagers have that stage, that she has me and Chelsea to come to. I know Mom always used to say that she wished that Greer, Chelsea, and I would just get along. Well, I think Mom finally got her wish. It's not the same with the three of us anymore. We can have adult conversations where fighting isn't even the back of my mind. I respect their opinions and I look to them for advice. Maybe pride and naivety was in the way before, but I have realized that I am more than just the "baby" in the family. I am a sister, a daughter, and an Aunt and I need to step up to the plate!
I want Laine to also realize how much of a difference she has made in my life.
I have learned to respect Greer more than I ever thought I could. Seeing her go through the stages of pregnancy and then giving birth to this amazing child has made me love my sister so much more. Not to say that I didn't love Greer before Laine, but I think a new kind of love has formed. I don't just love her for being an incredible sister, but for being an amazing mother. I see her with Laine and I know that she is going to do great things for this little girl and that this girl has done and will do great things for Greer as well.
I love my sisters with all my heart and I think that they are the most incredible people in this world. I realize I am biased, because I'm related...but Greer and Chelsea make me so proud to call them my big sisters.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Little Moments
Do you ever have one of those moments where you are doing something mundane and simple and then all of a sudden you have an "ah-hah!" moment? I had one of those today. I was sitting in English 1102 peer editing a paper. I got done before my partner did, so I was staring out the window watching people walking in and out of the library on this blue, blustery day when I realized: I am in college. I am on my own, starting my path towards the real world. What the heck?! When did this even happen? I feel like it was just yesterday that I got my acceptance letter to Davidson and I was getting Greer and Chelsea to draw me a map of the school so I didn't get lost. Now, I am navigating my way through Herty and Kilpatrick (which by the way...it's an IMPOSSIBLE building to find your way through and anyone who knows me knows that I get lost in my own backyard). But in all seriousness, this is pretty crazy. I am feeding myself (essentially), cleaning my own room, making sure I do my homework, and all without Mommy standing over my shoulder making sure it gets done. Now, I have to admit, I am still majorly working out the kinks of being a college student, but I am starting to figure things out. Of course, I don't have and will never have all the answers and I still go to the wrong classroom sometimes, but I have found out so many answers to questions I never even knew I had. I sit in a college classroom and listen to actual professors talk about actual things. Things like global issues, and racial challenges in elementary schools, and instead of 8 hours in the classroom, I get breaks and I walk places and I see people. I don't know why all of a sudden this is so new to me, but today was one of those moments. I am in college and I am a college student. Who knew?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Making the Call
Judgement: an opinion formed by judging something
An opinion. So that means its not a fact, right? Right. So why does everyone, including myself (lets be honest), think its ok to judge people? We all do it, and you know it. A girl walks by you in the mall wearing leggings, uggs, and a tshirt..so you think "she looks like she just got out of bed" or "how could she wear something like that?!" Admit it, you've had these thoughts. Especially if you go somewhere where you can "people watch". What does people watching really entail? Judging. You watch to see how people carry themselves, what they wear, how they talk, etc and you ponder about their life based on what you see. My sisters and I are guilty of just this, we sometimes sit and watch people and create stories for them and pretend to know what they are saying. Yes, it's fun if you're bored sometimes, but what do the people think when they look up to see a table of girls staring at them?
But think about judgement on a deeper level for a minute. In my education class this semester, we are dealing with diversity. Cultural, appearance, religion, morals, family life, etc. The list really could go on, because we are all so different. But should we be treated differently? Now, I wish I had spoken up in class, but little shy me sat in my swivel chair swinging back and forth. But now I would like to speak up, and who knows..maybe my education teacher will read this and give me some extra credit. Wishful thinking..
Yes, having the instructions to put a chair together in Spanish before English is a little unnecessary, but if you think about it, it's not crazy. We are the melting pot, aren't we? Isn't that what we are taught in school, to accept everyone? Well, not so much. Because there are people out there (un-named in my blog, of course) that believe that when you get instructions, call 411, information, etc that it should only be in English. But, what about the people that move over here to start over and make a new life? Do we expect them to learn another language completely and forget where they came from? I don't think that is right. If you travel to France for vacation, I realize you get strange stares for not understanding or speaking French, but they don't expect you to know everything (once they realize you're newbies, of course). All I am saying is that I think we should cut people a break. I personally like listening to the Spanish options..I feel like I am learning something while I wait :)
Another hot topic is multicultural education in schools. I am for it. I think it is so unfair that we only focus on African Americans during Black History Month, for example. Why can't we include racial and cultural differences in class everyday? I know that I want my kids, and hopefully future students to learn about and how to except everyone. Now I know that is some serious wishful thinking, but I am wishful. I want people to look past color and accent and just love.
My statistics teacher has a pretty heavy Turkish accent and it is extremely hard to understand her and every now and then you can hear an occassional snicker or sigh because you can't understand what she is saying. Now, I am guilty of a sigh or too, because it is hard to learn when you can't understand, but is this disrespect fair to our teacher? No. She didn't do this on purpose. She has an accent because that is where she is from. She should be proud of it and own it.
I am so tired of hearing people talk about mixed couples, babies, etc. Who cares? Is it hurting anyone? NO, so get over it.
My lovely, amazing, talented education teacher (Mrs. Brookins, are you reading this?!) told us a story the other day about two little black girls invited their white friend to a party. The part of the conversation that Mrs. Brookins heard is as follows, "Are you coming to our party?" "No, I can't because my mom said I can't hang out with little black girls." I mean COME ON people. This is 2010. I seriously cannot believe that is still an issue today, when I feel like it shouldn't even be in the back of our minds. Granted, I come from a very accepting family that would love you no matter what you are and what you look like, I just only wish everyone could be understanding and accepting.
Well, there you have it. My take on differences. I try every day to love and accept you for your insides, disregarding everything else.
An opinion. So that means its not a fact, right? Right. So why does everyone, including myself (lets be honest), think its ok to judge people? We all do it, and you know it. A girl walks by you in the mall wearing leggings, uggs, and a tshirt..so you think "she looks like she just got out of bed" or "how could she wear something like that?!" Admit it, you've had these thoughts. Especially if you go somewhere where you can "people watch". What does people watching really entail? Judging. You watch to see how people carry themselves, what they wear, how they talk, etc and you ponder about their life based on what you see. My sisters and I are guilty of just this, we sometimes sit and watch people and create stories for them and pretend to know what they are saying. Yes, it's fun if you're bored sometimes, but what do the people think when they look up to see a table of girls staring at them?
But think about judgement on a deeper level for a minute. In my education class this semester, we are dealing with diversity. Cultural, appearance, religion, morals, family life, etc. The list really could go on, because we are all so different. But should we be treated differently? Now, I wish I had spoken up in class, but little shy me sat in my swivel chair swinging back and forth. But now I would like to speak up, and who knows..maybe my education teacher will read this and give me some extra credit. Wishful thinking..
Yes, having the instructions to put a chair together in Spanish before English is a little unnecessary, but if you think about it, it's not crazy. We are the melting pot, aren't we? Isn't that what we are taught in school, to accept everyone? Well, not so much. Because there are people out there (un-named in my blog, of course) that believe that when you get instructions, call 411, information, etc that it should only be in English. But, what about the people that move over here to start over and make a new life? Do we expect them to learn another language completely and forget where they came from? I don't think that is right. If you travel to France for vacation, I realize you get strange stares for not understanding or speaking French, but they don't expect you to know everything (once they realize you're newbies, of course). All I am saying is that I think we should cut people a break. I personally like listening to the Spanish options..I feel like I am learning something while I wait :)
Another hot topic is multicultural education in schools. I am for it. I think it is so unfair that we only focus on African Americans during Black History Month, for example. Why can't we include racial and cultural differences in class everyday? I know that I want my kids, and hopefully future students to learn about and how to except everyone. Now I know that is some serious wishful thinking, but I am wishful. I want people to look past color and accent and just love.
My statistics teacher has a pretty heavy Turkish accent and it is extremely hard to understand her and every now and then you can hear an occassional snicker or sigh because you can't understand what she is saying. Now, I am guilty of a sigh or too, because it is hard to learn when you can't understand, but is this disrespect fair to our teacher? No. She didn't do this on purpose. She has an accent because that is where she is from. She should be proud of it and own it.
I am so tired of hearing people talk about mixed couples, babies, etc. Who cares? Is it hurting anyone? NO, so get over it.
My lovely, amazing, talented education teacher (Mrs. Brookins, are you reading this?!) told us a story the other day about two little black girls invited their white friend to a party. The part of the conversation that Mrs. Brookins heard is as follows, "Are you coming to our party?" "No, I can't because my mom said I can't hang out with little black girls." I mean COME ON people. This is 2010. I seriously cannot believe that is still an issue today, when I feel like it shouldn't even be in the back of our minds. Granted, I come from a very accepting family that would love you no matter what you are and what you look like, I just only wish everyone could be understanding and accepting.
Well, there you have it. My take on differences. I try every day to love and accept you for your insides, disregarding everything else.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The New Beginning
For those of you who know me, I tried to start a blog a while back for my photography. I got frustrated and couldn't get it to look the way I wanted, so like most things, I gave up. However, new year=new leaf and I have decided to try it. Greer and Dad say that it is addicting and fun to do, so I figured why not? It could be a good outlet. Something I can come to at 3 in the morning when I can't sleep because my mind is racing; while you're in college, it happens a lot. Now, if you'll please excuse the occasional bad grammar use. I am only a freshman, and while my English 1102 teacher would be sad to hear me say this, I cannot write perfectly yet. I would like to start off this blog with an obituary. No one died, don't worry. But I feel that I need to give a kiss goodbye to the old me. I want to change things about myself and say "au revoir" to some bad habits and past regrets. Mom said to me once, "you can't forget without forgiving", well here is where I do both.
When I look back, I realize I could have, should have, and would have done a lot of things differently. But I can't go back, I can only move forward. I choose, today, to focus on things day by day. I will focus on becoming a better student, daughter, sister, photographer, teacher-in-the-making, and friend. I, like everyone else, have made mistakes in life and will continue to make them. I learn from these mistakes and become a better person due to them. To the people I have hurt during these mistakes, I am sorry, but this is my last sorry. I choose to move on, the ball is in your court now (although, I will not volley back). I have realized in so many ways that there is so much more to life than petty drama. There are people out there with greater issues than who wore what to class and "oh my gosh, she has the same purse as me!"
I owe almost all of who I am to my sisters (mom and dad, I will come to you next). Chelsea, you are a vital part of the way I think and act today. I find myself constantly thinking "well, how would Chels handle this situation?" You are a strong, fearless, passionate person and I truly think you are a blessing to have in my life. You have come so far and done so much, watching you grow up makes me want to better myself. Thank you so much for being my sister, my best friend, and my nutritionist, I love you so much.
Greer, your humor is what gets through the day sometimes. The silly texts or wall posts on facebook are sometimes all I need to turn the worst day into a big smile. You have so much respect from me for what you have accomplished in life. Seeing you be a mother just brings tears to my eyes to see that my sweet oldest sister is now a mommy. If you are half the mother to Laine that you are a sister to me, Laine is one lucky little girl. I love you with all my heart.
Mom, of course you are the reason I am alive, but you are also the reason that I am slightly controlling, I have to plan things out, I make lists, and I get cranky when I am cold. Oh, and we can't forget what you've done to all of us with the lack of pepper in our diets. I always jokingly say that you are so annoying and I am so glad I am not like you, but the truth is, I would be the luckiest daughter in the world to be like my mom. You are a tough little cookie and can make anyone shake in their shoes. I love you so, so much.
Now Dad, I owe my ebay selling, technology loving, and hatred for shopping. But I don't think any of those are bad qualities, right? :) You are also the reason, besides the fact that you pay for it, that I attend college. You are the smartest person I know, and I really do tell everyone I meet how smart you are. You amaze me with how well you do your job and how much you love it, and I can only hope that one day I can love what I do as much as you do.
Over the past few years, months, and even days I have realized how truly blessed I am and how I take every breath for granted. Besides the minor bumps in the road, I have an amazing life. I have family that care oodles and oodles about me and I have met amazing friends at school that will continue to shape who I am. So this blog has multiple purposes. Its goodbye to the old me that would complain about lunch being moved to a different location and having too much homework, to a person who loves life and can't wait for the next breath. This is also a thank you to my family who have made my life so amazing. And lastly, this is my final "sorry" to the people who still hold onto the past. I choose to move on, be strong, and keep my chin up. Life is good.
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